2.5 hours, a screen full of Icons I must now delete from my hard drive, and guess what?
it did not work. ONLY in my world. the perfect ending to this story.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Nothing EVER is simple in My World.
There is a long list of "stories" in my life that I could share here and a few of them will eventually
"make the cut" I am sure, but in the last few days, it has happened AGAIN!, and this little "incident"
just so perfectly encapsulates everything in my World, I figure it's as good an example as any.
I mentioned earlier, that I have become "friendly" with "Media Personality" Leslie Gold, known to most
for her 10 Year career on New York Radio, and nationally syndicated on Sirius. well earlier this week
Ms Gold "made me an offer I could not refuse".
she offered to pay me to help her on a new TV Pilot she is shooting that will revolve around her and her
boyfriend Rock Drummer Legend Carmine Appice, (Carmine has worked for those unaware, with every famous group on the planet, Led Zepplin , Rod Stewart, Ozzy, you name it he has worked with them).
The offer was rather simple. the job sounded simple and even had some potential entertainment value.
Be careful what you wish for. nothing is ever that easy, when you are me.
the job requires that I go through an undetermined amount of video footage, log what is in each clip,and move on. simple right.? I see a paycheck here that can help me get caught up to date on some major outstanding bills. a chance to help out someone I like, a way to kill a lot of free time, and make money, so naurally it is an easy "no brainer" to say yes!
Yesterday, on a beautiful NYC afternoon, I took a long stroll down Broadway on the Upper West Side
to her building. I stopped for lunch at an old favorite of mine and had a great burger and the most tasty Waffle Fries on Earth let alone in New York. and picked up an external hard drive from her doorman as she is not in the City at the moment. I stopped at the supermarket, picked up a few things and came home.
Plugged in hard drive, Strike one. it is formatted to MAC,
uh oh, what now? I wracked my brain. only 2 people I know have MACS. one is far away, the other has one that is only used by his wife, and only used by her for work. it is also "difficult" to get this party on the phone 9 out 9x. so I decided to "consult" with the closest person I knew who might know what to do here.( as well as someone who actually responds to texts/phone calls in a timely fashion. there are not many of those in my little corner of Hell. a lot of people avoid me for some odd reason.) I was not even aware that among the several computers he had this person had a MAC.! YAY! I was just looking for advice! so I went all the way back to Manhattan, and it took about an hour. but He fit ONE of the many,many many files onto a flash, we tested it to make sure it worked. problem solved! and I got to "catch up" with a friend I had not seen recently.
Nothing is easy. when you are me. I wake up the next day. I plug in the Flash drive, I open the files, and BAM Strike 2! they play at a speed that makes "SLOW motion" look like FAST FORWARD, and the HD Video they were shot in makes VHS look like Blu Ray. 6 hours later, after many experiments and false starts. the answer to my dilemma comes in a phone call from another party.
MY USB port is much too slow, as is the Flash Drive, I must transfer all the files to my hard drive, (this is in progress as I type this). the 9GB will take 2.5 hours, it will fill my screen with 58-60 icons. but they WILL play normally when this is done I am told. I will than have to delete all from my hard drive, and repeat this process over and over till the project is completed. (STRIKE 3, your out!),
Lord knows, I have enough time to complete this project, and BOY do I need the money these days
so nobody reading this should view this as a complaint. I am very blessed that Leslie, Scott and Kevin all pitched right in to help me out. but Lord help me!. I had no idea how involved it would become all because my computer is a few years old. .this combined with the summaries involved, this..gonna take a while longer than I expected... ONLY in MY world..and so it goes...
"make the cut" I am sure, but in the last few days, it has happened AGAIN!, and this little "incident"
just so perfectly encapsulates everything in my World, I figure it's as good an example as any.
I mentioned earlier, that I have become "friendly" with "Media Personality" Leslie Gold, known to most
for her 10 Year career on New York Radio, and nationally syndicated on Sirius. well earlier this week
Ms Gold "made me an offer I could not refuse".
she offered to pay me to help her on a new TV Pilot she is shooting that will revolve around her and her
boyfriend Rock Drummer Legend Carmine Appice, (Carmine has worked for those unaware, with every famous group on the planet, Led Zepplin , Rod Stewart, Ozzy, you name it he has worked with them).
The offer was rather simple. the job sounded simple and even had some potential entertainment value.
Be careful what you wish for. nothing is ever that easy, when you are me.
the job requires that I go through an undetermined amount of video footage, log what is in each clip,and move on. simple right.? I see a paycheck here that can help me get caught up to date on some major outstanding bills. a chance to help out someone I like, a way to kill a lot of free time, and make money, so naurally it is an easy "no brainer" to say yes!
Yesterday, on a beautiful NYC afternoon, I took a long stroll down Broadway on the Upper West Side
to her building. I stopped for lunch at an old favorite of mine and had a great burger and the most tasty Waffle Fries on Earth let alone in New York. and picked up an external hard drive from her doorman as she is not in the City at the moment. I stopped at the supermarket, picked up a few things and came home.
Plugged in hard drive, Strike one. it is formatted to MAC,
uh oh, what now? I wracked my brain. only 2 people I know have MACS. one is far away, the other has one that is only used by his wife, and only used by her for work. it is also "difficult" to get this party on the phone 9 out 9x. so I decided to "consult" with the closest person I knew who might know what to do here.( as well as someone who actually responds to texts/phone calls in a timely fashion. there are not many of those in my little corner of Hell. a lot of people avoid me for some odd reason.) I was not even aware that among the several computers he had this person had a MAC.! YAY! I was just looking for advice! so I went all the way back to Manhattan, and it took about an hour. but He fit ONE of the many,many many files onto a flash, we tested it to make sure it worked. problem solved! and I got to "catch up" with a friend I had not seen recently.
Nothing is easy. when you are me. I wake up the next day. I plug in the Flash drive, I open the files, and BAM Strike 2! they play at a speed that makes "SLOW motion" look like FAST FORWARD, and the HD Video they were shot in makes VHS look like Blu Ray. 6 hours later, after many experiments and false starts. the answer to my dilemma comes in a phone call from another party.
MY USB port is much too slow, as is the Flash Drive, I must transfer all the files to my hard drive, (this is in progress as I type this). the 9GB will take 2.5 hours, it will fill my screen with 58-60 icons. but they WILL play normally when this is done I am told. I will than have to delete all from my hard drive, and repeat this process over and over till the project is completed. (STRIKE 3, your out!),
Lord knows, I have enough time to complete this project, and BOY do I need the money these days
so nobody reading this should view this as a complaint. I am very blessed that Leslie, Scott and Kevin all pitched right in to help me out. but Lord help me!. I had no idea how involved it would become all because my computer is a few years old. .this combined with the summaries involved, this..gonna take a while longer than I expected... ONLY in MY world..and so it goes...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Supervillian!
Every "Great Epic Tale" needs one. This is a small sample of mine.
Batman has The Joker, Superman has Lex Luthor., 007 has Blofeld, "General Hospital" had The Cassidines trying to to freeze the World with a"Weather machine," Days of our Lives" has Stefano Dimera"."Harry Potter" has Voldemort, Star Wars, has Darth Vader.
The man I am about to tell you about? they all.. PALE by comparison,
I am speaking here of the "late and lamented by NOBODY, Silvio".
where the HELL do I begin on this one?
many years and many traumatic moments, a good amount of Whiskey and an overwhelming desire to forget this man ever existed in my life has obscured a lot of the worst memories I could dredge up,
but He did. And hard as I may try, this EVIL Disgusting Mutant / Animal of a so-called" Human Being", sometimes haunts me to this day.And Nothing any "well meaning person" said could seperate Rosemarie Gaffney (my Mom) from this pathetic loser..
This is a "Man," who in no particular order, once told me I was "a cancerous disease who was put on this planet to cause other people misery" at age 12/14, and that I would "die alone and unloved in a gutter",
who dangled a helpless cat over a 3rd floor balcony, who took pleasure from destroying my comic book collection and every poster on my walls and leaving the pile of shredded paper in my bedroom for me to clean up, who, I was afraid to bring home the few friends I had because "who knew?" what kind of mood he might be in that day when he arrived home?, I can "date" my earliest memories of him around 75 or so,
I vividly recall seeing "Return of The Pink Panther" with him and Mom at a theatre in Yonkers that has since become a
"burned out eyesore" not far from a building I lived in recently.
I also recall how not long after he became a "live in gigolo", he took over MY bedroom, (I moved into the living room,and slept on the sofa, dont ask how/why) and once he was "in the door" HE NEVER left.
so many stories. is the internet big enough for all of them.? is ANY blog big enough for all of them?
I cant say for sure, but the next entry will try to conjure up as many as I can recall. what I remember most about him? is the feeling in the pit of my gut as a kid when I heard "that sound" of the door being unlocked when he came home drunk night after night, as he went on yet ANOTHER tirade, the sound of anything in his path being destroyed, the endless visits by the Cops, and more than a few memorable "quotes" from this sick fucker. more to come. and so it goes......
Batman has The Joker, Superman has Lex Luthor., 007 has Blofeld, "General Hospital" had The Cassidines trying to to freeze the World with a"Weather machine," Days of our Lives" has Stefano Dimera"."Harry Potter" has Voldemort, Star Wars, has Darth Vader.
The man I am about to tell you about? they all.. PALE by comparison,
I am speaking here of the "late and lamented by NOBODY, Silvio".
where the HELL do I begin on this one?
many years and many traumatic moments, a good amount of Whiskey and an overwhelming desire to forget this man ever existed in my life has obscured a lot of the worst memories I could dredge up,
but He did. And hard as I may try, this EVIL Disgusting Mutant / Animal of a so-called" Human Being", sometimes haunts me to this day.And Nothing any "well meaning person" said could seperate Rosemarie Gaffney (my Mom) from this pathetic loser..
This is a "Man," who in no particular order, once told me I was "a cancerous disease who was put on this planet to cause other people misery" at age 12/14, and that I would "die alone and unloved in a gutter",
who dangled a helpless cat over a 3rd floor balcony, who took pleasure from destroying my comic book collection and every poster on my walls and leaving the pile of shredded paper in my bedroom for me to clean up, who, I was afraid to bring home the few friends I had because "who knew?" what kind of mood he might be in that day when he arrived home?, I can "date" my earliest memories of him around 75 or so,
I vividly recall seeing "Return of The Pink Panther" with him and Mom at a theatre in Yonkers that has since become a
"burned out eyesore" not far from a building I lived in recently.
I also recall how not long after he became a "live in gigolo", he took over MY bedroom, (I moved into the living room,and slept on the sofa, dont ask how/why) and once he was "in the door" HE NEVER left.
so many stories. is the internet big enough for all of them.? is ANY blog big enough for all of them?
I cant say for sure, but the next entry will try to conjure up as many as I can recall. what I remember most about him? is the feeling in the pit of my gut as a kid when I heard "that sound" of the door being unlocked when he came home drunk night after night, as he went on yet ANOTHER tirade, the sound of anything in his path being destroyed, the endless visits by the Cops, and more than a few memorable "quotes" from this sick fucker. more to come. and so it goes......
Thursday, June 9, 2011
comments people. please?
When I began this project, I gave very little thought to exactly "Who" might read it.
Call me naive I guess,but I really never thought that my thoughts and life such as it is, would interest people.
And SURE I know quite a few people, who in turn know even more people, and sure it's the "big ol internet".
and the whole world it seems is on Facebook, where I "send" each entry when it is done, but I am still a pretty "quiet" guy.and the thought that my "big old mess" of a life is "OUT THERE", perhaps being paraded in front of some I never intended (even somewhat anonymously, as I do not post my name or image here), has caused me to begin to wonder just how far I want to delve into my personal history and to evaluate "how much is too much?", and even if it is too late by now to "put the genie back in the bottle".I toy with 3 ideas now when I log in to this blog,.."go balls to the wall" and spill EVERY story in my life,( and should I do that, watch out people, there are some things that may surprise you). 2) tell just enough to keep things moving and somewhat compelling, and self censor and pick and chose the details. or 3) abandon this blog, shut the fuck up, and hope that people forget what they know and begin a new blog with my thoughts on Entertainment, News. and kill the "personal" stuff,
Problem is, the "personal" stuff is not only what people seem to like,as well as the "driving force" of this blog,
but believe it or not, I have yet to "scratch the surface" of some of the things I have gone through.
I also, do not want to fall into the trap of this becoming "poor,poor ME", rather I want to share these stories with a touch of humor, and maybe in the hope that some will say "wow, look at what he has gone through, I never knew or dreamed that about him" and " that explains so much about him I understand now"
currently, I know 5 people who "follow" this blog, but more than that read it. this is the point where I need to decide the "direction" of this blog before I go much further. please people, take a moment, leave a comment and tell me what you want to see, (you can do this anonymously, I do not even have to know who you are)
have I gone "too far" into "TMI Land" or do you want more? does this come across as " whining" and "bemoaning my situation"? ( a quality I have often been told I have, yet seldom recognize in myself) should I do complete 180 here and change the topics all together? if you have enjoyed this so far, now is the time to tell me. sound off below. I want this blog to have humor as well as drama.
Call me naive I guess,but I really never thought that my thoughts and life such as it is, would interest people.
And SURE I know quite a few people, who in turn know even more people, and sure it's the "big ol internet".
and the whole world it seems is on Facebook, where I "send" each entry when it is done, but I am still a pretty "quiet" guy.and the thought that my "big old mess" of a life is "OUT THERE", perhaps being paraded in front of some I never intended (even somewhat anonymously, as I do not post my name or image here), has caused me to begin to wonder just how far I want to delve into my personal history and to evaluate "how much is too much?", and even if it is too late by now to "put the genie back in the bottle".I toy with 3 ideas now when I log in to this blog,.."go balls to the wall" and spill EVERY story in my life,( and should I do that, watch out people, there are some things that may surprise you). 2) tell just enough to keep things moving and somewhat compelling, and self censor and pick and chose the details. or 3) abandon this blog, shut the fuck up, and hope that people forget what they know and begin a new blog with my thoughts on Entertainment, News. and kill the "personal" stuff,
Problem is, the "personal" stuff is not only what people seem to like,as well as the "driving force" of this blog,
but believe it or not, I have yet to "scratch the surface" of some of the things I have gone through.
I also, do not want to fall into the trap of this becoming "poor,poor ME", rather I want to share these stories with a touch of humor, and maybe in the hope that some will say "wow, look at what he has gone through, I never knew or dreamed that about him" and " that explains so much about him I understand now"
currently, I know 5 people who "follow" this blog, but more than that read it. this is the point where I need to decide the "direction" of this blog before I go much further. please people, take a moment, leave a comment and tell me what you want to see, (you can do this anonymously, I do not even have to know who you are)
have I gone "too far" into "TMI Land" or do you want more? does this come across as " whining" and "bemoaning my situation"? ( a quality I have often been told I have, yet seldom recognize in myself) should I do complete 180 here and change the topics all together? if you have enjoyed this so far, now is the time to tell me. sound off below. I want this blog to have humor as well as drama.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Baby, you can drive my car, (Cause I sure can't)
most of my Adult Life, I have lived at the mercy of the MTA.
growing up, I was mesmerized by the very notion, of Manhattan and actually "The Dream" of living there
and I am pretty sure that was influenced by damn near every TV show I ever watched and book I ever read and movie I ever saw.
I spent a good portion of my childhood living on the outskirts of "The Greatest City in The World".
and one of the things about NYC, is that nobody needs a car.
even as a teenager, I could not have been less interested in driving if I tried.
my only time behind the wheel to date was a few lessons well over 25 years ago, where I was FAR too nervous to follow up on the idea.
really, the very thought makes me a complete wreck and I cannot imagine doing it.
even though every ounce of my being KNOWS how much it would make a difference in my life. and how much it could improve the overall quality of my life. I know it would open doors as far as jobs, both in terms of WHERE I could look, as well as WHAT I could look at. it would make shopping a HELL of a lot easier.
In the last apx 5 years, there have been a few "false steps" in this direction. I have had a permit 3x. I have failed the so-called "written test" 2x. and I have even gotten to the point where people have said they will "help me practice", (maybe they would. somehow I doubt it, what I have learned in life is that it is easy to make promises if you do not think the time will ever come to deliver, and its FAR better to rely on yourself than others.). the reality is this. I NEED to conquer this fear. once and for all.
it is a "handicap" that A) is something that is costing me too many oppertunities.B) really is Illogical.and C) would improve the quality of my life in many ways,
SO, what's the hold-up here.? as I have discovered, a "permit" means nothing if you are unable to follow through and do something with it.
and nothing worth having is "free". I need to be able to do something this important the "right way"
I cannot rely on others to "teach" me, and I cannot pay for lessons, buy a car, insure it, and pay 5.00 a gallon to fill it with gas. there was once a "window" where I was able to handle those things. I am no longer able to do this. and as much as I would love to with all the free time I currently have, getting a permit tomorrow, would not do me any good. unless I have lessons, and a Car to use.and like everything else in life that costs money.
growing up, I was mesmerized by the very notion, of Manhattan and actually "The Dream" of living there
and I am pretty sure that was influenced by damn near every TV show I ever watched and book I ever read and movie I ever saw.
I spent a good portion of my childhood living on the outskirts of "The Greatest City in The World".
and one of the things about NYC, is that nobody needs a car.
even as a teenager, I could not have been less interested in driving if I tried.
my only time behind the wheel to date was a few lessons well over 25 years ago, where I was FAR too nervous to follow up on the idea.
really, the very thought makes me a complete wreck and I cannot imagine doing it.
even though every ounce of my being KNOWS how much it would make a difference in my life. and how much it could improve the overall quality of my life. I know it would open doors as far as jobs, both in terms of WHERE I could look, as well as WHAT I could look at. it would make shopping a HELL of a lot easier.
In the last apx 5 years, there have been a few "false steps" in this direction. I have had a permit 3x. I have failed the so-called "written test" 2x. and I have even gotten to the point where people have said they will "help me practice", (maybe they would. somehow I doubt it, what I have learned in life is that it is easy to make promises if you do not think the time will ever come to deliver, and its FAR better to rely on yourself than others.). the reality is this. I NEED to conquer this fear. once and for all.
it is a "handicap" that A) is something that is costing me too many oppertunities.B) really is Illogical.and C) would improve the quality of my life in many ways,
SO, what's the hold-up here.? as I have discovered, a "permit" means nothing if you are unable to follow through and do something with it.
and nothing worth having is "free". I need to be able to do something this important the "right way"
I cannot rely on others to "teach" me, and I cannot pay for lessons, buy a car, insure it, and pay 5.00 a gallon to fill it with gas. there was once a "window" where I was able to handle those things. I am no longer able to do this. and as much as I would love to with all the free time I currently have, getting a permit tomorrow, would not do me any good. unless I have lessons, and a Car to use.and like everything else in life that costs money.
A Turning Point?
the first entries of this blog came fast and furious.
I had a lot of anger and a lot to say, now I am faced with the question "How much is too much"?
and have I suffered "premature e-blogulation"?, prior to the time covered so far, I had a life
not all that different from the one I am looking at as I type this. "broke beyond all levels of broke"
a long string of jobs, that did not come close to covering even the most basic of needs, extended periods
of unemployment,.(though granted it was MUCH easier to get hired at 20 something than 40 something)
there were a lot more places to look for a job, the Internet has made it much easier for employers to
"screen people" long before they walk in. and in fact, "walking in" these days is almost discouraged as a way to find employment. even the most "low level" jobs such as Wal Mart and Target, send you to an automated "kiosk" when you inquire about if they are "hiring". Two friends of mine, whom I have enormous respect for have often used the phrase, "think outside the box", I am trying to do exactly that. I would like nothing more than to perhaps find a way to return to some type of school, and find a path that is very , different from the one I have been on for over half my life. I used to tell people when I was very gainfully employed."Sleepy's will be the END of my retail life" if and when it came. well it's been over for over 4 years.the thing I ask myself daily is "where do you fit"? "what do you WANT to do?" but the most VITAL one, is "how do I get there, and eat and keep a roof over my head at the same time"?
There are 2 things that I am deeply passsionate about as most who know me know.
I love entertainment. Film. TV.Radio, I spend hours reading on these subjects,I have become increasingly cynical and critical about these over the last few years, but there are I have found more than a few "hidden gems" out there, such as shows like "Levrage", "Burn Notice", and a few that are no longer around like "Alias". it's been a long,long time since I have seen a Film in a Theatre that REALLY excited me, and it seems things are not improving much. Hollywood seems on the surface to make nothing but "cookie cutter" sequels and middle level Comic Book movies that are uninspired and neither terrible nor amazing. (of course a few break that mold. The Dark Knight and Iron Man 1 come to mind).
The other path I could see myself on is something involving Animal Care
I take a bit of heat for being a "Cat person", especially from ignorant people who have no clue about Cats.
I could care less what those people think. now, I could not see myself as a "vet". I am not science and biology minded, and like most things in life it takes time and a LOT of money to pursue that type of profession.
I do not have the time or the funds for that anyway.and the only jobs in that field I have found that I am qualified for are often "volunteer" jobs. satisfying on an emotional level, but do nothing to pay the rent, or anyting else for that matter. I made multiple applications to "dog walking" jobs over the last year or so and come up empty even on those. no response.
At this stage, I have reached a point where next to nothing has been ruled out as long as I have a job.
I went through many hoops trying to get a job as a Security Guard, only to discover that 0 expirience in this area has not gotten me any closer to steady employment and the field seems to be overrun with charlatans who seek money to "place" you yet do nothing of substance once they HAVE your money,
I recenty was given a gift of 150.00 from a friend, that I gave to a "placement agency" that sent me in circles and dodged me and sent me to places that either were not hiring or did not seem to care if I was "referred"
all I could think of after a day or so was how much I wish I had given that money to Con Edison and my cell phone bill. but I tried, and I continue to "not give up". in spite of the fact that I get 218.00 a week and am up to my ass in bills and turn-off notices for cable, cell and Con Ed. there MUST be a way out of this mess,
there must be. one of my greatest regrets is that I never learned how to drive. I cannot explain that one,. but it is a choice that has made my life next to impossible for years. and I think that is the topic I shall deal with next. it's another of the many "Catch 22's" I live with so it really is something I should discuss here,
I had a lot of anger and a lot to say, now I am faced with the question "How much is too much"?
and have I suffered "premature e-blogulation"?, prior to the time covered so far, I had a life
not all that different from the one I am looking at as I type this. "broke beyond all levels of broke"
a long string of jobs, that did not come close to covering even the most basic of needs, extended periods
of unemployment,.(though granted it was MUCH easier to get hired at 20 something than 40 something)
there were a lot more places to look for a job, the Internet has made it much easier for employers to
"screen people" long before they walk in. and in fact, "walking in" these days is almost discouraged as a way to find employment. even the most "low level" jobs such as Wal Mart and Target, send you to an automated "kiosk" when you inquire about if they are "hiring". Two friends of mine, whom I have enormous respect for have often used the phrase, "think outside the box", I am trying to do exactly that. I would like nothing more than to perhaps find a way to return to some type of school, and find a path that is very , different from the one I have been on for over half my life. I used to tell people when I was very gainfully employed."Sleepy's will be the END of my retail life" if and when it came. well it's been over for over 4 years.the thing I ask myself daily is "where do you fit"? "what do you WANT to do?" but the most VITAL one, is "how do I get there, and eat and keep a roof over my head at the same time"?
There are 2 things that I am deeply passsionate about as most who know me know.
I love entertainment. Film. TV.Radio, I spend hours reading on these subjects,I have become increasingly cynical and critical about these over the last few years, but there are I have found more than a few "hidden gems" out there, such as shows like "Levrage", "Burn Notice", and a few that are no longer around like "Alias". it's been a long,long time since I have seen a Film in a Theatre that REALLY excited me, and it seems things are not improving much. Hollywood seems on the surface to make nothing but "cookie cutter" sequels and middle level Comic Book movies that are uninspired and neither terrible nor amazing. (of course a few break that mold. The Dark Knight and Iron Man 1 come to mind).
The other path I could see myself on is something involving Animal Care
I take a bit of heat for being a "Cat person", especially from ignorant people who have no clue about Cats.
I could care less what those people think. now, I could not see myself as a "vet". I am not science and biology minded, and like most things in life it takes time and a LOT of money to pursue that type of profession.
I do not have the time or the funds for that anyway.and the only jobs in that field I have found that I am qualified for are often "volunteer" jobs. satisfying on an emotional level, but do nothing to pay the rent, or anyting else for that matter. I made multiple applications to "dog walking" jobs over the last year or so and come up empty even on those. no response.
At this stage, I have reached a point where next to nothing has been ruled out as long as I have a job.
I went through many hoops trying to get a job as a Security Guard, only to discover that 0 expirience in this area has not gotten me any closer to steady employment and the field seems to be overrun with charlatans who seek money to "place" you yet do nothing of substance once they HAVE your money,
I recenty was given a gift of 150.00 from a friend, that I gave to a "placement agency" that sent me in circles and dodged me and sent me to places that either were not hiring or did not seem to care if I was "referred"
all I could think of after a day or so was how much I wish I had given that money to Con Edison and my cell phone bill. but I tried, and I continue to "not give up". in spite of the fact that I get 218.00 a week and am up to my ass in bills and turn-off notices for cable, cell and Con Ed. there MUST be a way out of this mess,
there must be. one of my greatest regrets is that I never learned how to drive. I cannot explain that one,. but it is a choice that has made my life next to impossible for years. and I think that is the topic I shall deal with next. it's another of the many "Catch 22's" I live with so it really is something I should discuss here,
Friday, June 3, 2011
it seems I upset someone today,
I could not decide if I should address this here or not,
on the one hand, I will possibly simply end up "fanning the flames", and making an already unpleseant situation worse. on the other hand, this blog is intended as a "no holds barred" look at my life, and I must say the feedback from some parties has been really impressive.and I do not want to hold anything at all back.
the names of those involved are not being used. (for the most part). and I have not said anything untrue, people have every right to disagree with me. this is America. and this blog is about MY Journey, and my point of view.
I have shared the story I am about to tell with a lot of people. some know the person involved. some do not. ALL of them agree, hands down, I am "right", those who know the person might NEVER admit this to His face. (mainly because they not only like this person for his very funny personae, and the fact that as long as you are careful and NEVER let this person near your wallet, He is a pretty good guy, and can be a ton of fun to be around). I have known this person since I was 12.(more or less). I know he will read this, as will someone else in his life who I am very unpopular with. and I really do not wish to upset or anger either.
In a perfect world?, I would actually like to totally let go of all the anger and nastiness that has transpired between us. but you see, sometimes, he just makes it next to impossible. by his actions.
As I related earlier, I had a 401k account that I was forced to close. this created a big pile of money.
I had something like 40 grand all in my little old regular Chase account.I was unemployed, but it sure did not feel that way back in October of 07. ( I recall this as I had JUST begun at PC when "that call" came in, a phone call I wish I had never picked up).
My very close friend and co-worker,(lets call him "Tony Stark" had been in need of a car forever, the vehicle he was using was not even "really his", now "Tony Stark". is really a great guy. no doubt, he is quick-witted, an awesome salesperson, and many good things. "good with money" however is NOT one of them.to put it kindly. and yes, I knew this going into this. whole sordid affair. I had leant him money several times over the years, and getting it back was often akin to pulling teeth, but in the end he always met his obligations,
he also was very well compensated at work. he made more than I did, (but he also had a good deal more expenses,.fair is fair. and I do not wish to obscure any facts).now the TRUTH is that this party is something of a "Peter Pan". He never,ever, ever wants to grow up. and in many ways that is what makes him so damn charming, and impossible for me to stay angry with. and a quality that helps him make a great living and he can at times make an amazing and loyal friend. he demonstrated that to me more than once over the years. we share many things in common. we also bicker like hell over others. I may devote another chapter to him and some of our mutual antics at some time. there are plenty.
but this post is about one thing and one thing only. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. as Aretha might say.
he BEGGED me, to lend him 2000.00 for a car. swore to me up,down and sideways it would be paid in a year or under, and yanked at my heart strings, with phrases that echo in my ears 5 years later.
"How long have we been friends?" "don't you TRUST me"?, "you KNOW where I work", "you KNOW how much I make". I tried to negotiate, 1000.00? no, 1500.00 no. it must be all
this was the "magic, Supercar of his dreams!" it was THE one, he had been searching so long for.
it was the reason he had waited for so long,. to find the "right" one,
and how could I possibly ever understand? I who never had a car or learned to drive.?
against the advice of some, I relented.
bottom line here? he made a few repayments a LOOOOOONG time apart, and in typical fashion for him getting what I have gotten to date was and remains like pulling teeth.
OH, and guess what? He NEVER even bought the damn thing. that's right, he NEVER BOUGHT THE FUCKING THING, wanna know something else? he only finally got a replacement car in the last 6 months or so.
What was the money spent on? I have no idea. he does not take drugs. he barely touches alcohol.it would not shock me if he used it to make a dent in his endless overdue bills.or something else.but it was not used for what it was intended. was there ever a car? probably, I believe there was. was I the worlds biggest fool? maybe. I just wanted to be as good a friend to him as he had been to me. and help him get something I knew he needed, we have fought over this loan ever since. if you take ONE lesson from this blog it should be "never lend money to friends". I have a far worse story along these lines for another day,
WHY did he not RETURN said funds as soon as it was clear he was not getting the car? ask him. I am sure he will leave some lame-ass sarcastic comment on this entry.
in an earlier post, I told the story of a someone who owed me 750.00, and how at my lowest this party made a "joke" about it. and laughed as I begged for 100.00, he has since told me that moment was a "turning point", that THAT was when he began to find "paying me a chore". really? that incident was over 3 and a half years AFTER he had once promised that it would be paid, on time. in full in under a year.
now the final twist. for ME? it's never been about the money per-se.
I came to terms long ago with the fact I may never see it all. (of course I do need it and believe it should be paid)
it's his attitude and lack of respect that infuriates me.
last Dec I had a little too much to drink on Christmas Eve,
I thought about how much I needed that money. how lousy my Christmas was.
and how awesome his was. I sent him a barrage of curse riddled texts. I was done.
last night he saw the post about that incident, he again "mocked it" and left a comment,
we texted earlier and are neutral again, we may not be after he reads this,
I still want my money. and a truce would also be nice. I will settle for an ounce of RESPECT,
on the one hand, I will possibly simply end up "fanning the flames", and making an already unpleseant situation worse. on the other hand, this blog is intended as a "no holds barred" look at my life, and I must say the feedback from some parties has been really impressive.and I do not want to hold anything at all back.
the names of those involved are not being used. (for the most part). and I have not said anything untrue, people have every right to disagree with me. this is America. and this blog is about MY Journey, and my point of view.
I have shared the story I am about to tell with a lot of people. some know the person involved. some do not. ALL of them agree, hands down, I am "right", those who know the person might NEVER admit this to His face. (mainly because they not only like this person for his very funny personae, and the fact that as long as you are careful and NEVER let this person near your wallet, He is a pretty good guy, and can be a ton of fun to be around). I have known this person since I was 12.(more or less). I know he will read this, as will someone else in his life who I am very unpopular with. and I really do not wish to upset or anger either.
In a perfect world?, I would actually like to totally let go of all the anger and nastiness that has transpired between us. but you see, sometimes, he just makes it next to impossible. by his actions.
As I related earlier, I had a 401k account that I was forced to close. this created a big pile of money.
I had something like 40 grand all in my little old regular Chase account.I was unemployed, but it sure did not feel that way back in October of 07. ( I recall this as I had JUST begun at PC when "that call" came in, a phone call I wish I had never picked up).
My very close friend and co-worker,(lets call him "Tony Stark" had been in need of a car forever, the vehicle he was using was not even "really his", now "Tony Stark". is really a great guy. no doubt, he is quick-witted, an awesome salesperson, and many good things. "good with money" however is NOT one of them.to put it kindly. and yes, I knew this going into this. whole sordid affair. I had leant him money several times over the years, and getting it back was often akin to pulling teeth, but in the end he always met his obligations,
he also was very well compensated at work. he made more than I did, (but he also had a good deal more expenses,.fair is fair. and I do not wish to obscure any facts).now the TRUTH is that this party is something of a "Peter Pan". He never,ever, ever wants to grow up. and in many ways that is what makes him so damn charming, and impossible for me to stay angry with. and a quality that helps him make a great living and he can at times make an amazing and loyal friend. he demonstrated that to me more than once over the years. we share many things in common. we also bicker like hell over others. I may devote another chapter to him and some of our mutual antics at some time. there are plenty.
but this post is about one thing and one thing only. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. as Aretha might say.
he BEGGED me, to lend him 2000.00 for a car. swore to me up,down and sideways it would be paid in a year or under, and yanked at my heart strings, with phrases that echo in my ears 5 years later.
"How long have we been friends?" "don't you TRUST me"?, "you KNOW where I work", "you KNOW how much I make". I tried to negotiate, 1000.00? no, 1500.00 no. it must be all
this was the "magic, Supercar of his dreams!" it was THE one, he had been searching so long for.
it was the reason he had waited for so long,. to find the "right" one,
and how could I possibly ever understand? I who never had a car or learned to drive.?
against the advice of some, I relented.
bottom line here? he made a few repayments a LOOOOOONG time apart, and in typical fashion for him getting what I have gotten to date was and remains like pulling teeth.
OH, and guess what? He NEVER even bought the damn thing. that's right, he NEVER BOUGHT THE FUCKING THING, wanna know something else? he only finally got a replacement car in the last 6 months or so.
What was the money spent on? I have no idea. he does not take drugs. he barely touches alcohol.it would not shock me if he used it to make a dent in his endless overdue bills.or something else.but it was not used for what it was intended. was there ever a car? probably, I believe there was. was I the worlds biggest fool? maybe. I just wanted to be as good a friend to him as he had been to me. and help him get something I knew he needed, we have fought over this loan ever since. if you take ONE lesson from this blog it should be "never lend money to friends". I have a far worse story along these lines for another day,
WHY did he not RETURN said funds as soon as it was clear he was not getting the car? ask him. I am sure he will leave some lame-ass sarcastic comment on this entry.
in an earlier post, I told the story of a someone who owed me 750.00, and how at my lowest this party made a "joke" about it. and laughed as I begged for 100.00, he has since told me that moment was a "turning point", that THAT was when he began to find "paying me a chore". really? that incident was over 3 and a half years AFTER he had once promised that it would be paid, on time. in full in under a year.
now the final twist. for ME? it's never been about the money per-se.
I came to terms long ago with the fact I may never see it all. (of course I do need it and believe it should be paid)
it's his attitude and lack of respect that infuriates me.
last Dec I had a little too much to drink on Christmas Eve,
I thought about how much I needed that money. how lousy my Christmas was.
and how awesome his was. I sent him a barrage of curse riddled texts. I was done.
last night he saw the post about that incident, he again "mocked it" and left a comment,
we texted earlier and are neutral again, we may not be after he reads this,
I still want my money. and a truce would also be nice. I will settle for an ounce of RESPECT,
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)