This is nothing new.

Not only is my current condition not new to me, it is very much a case of "Deja Vu". I have been here before, and in fact, it has been worse than this. MUCH worse. of course the last time, I endured a mess like this one, it did not last nearly as long, nor did things feel nearly as hopeless as they do as I sit here today typing this, but when I get one of my bouts of depression these days, I sometimes take comfort in thinking "As bad is this IS it HAS been worse". See, there was a period of about 6-8 weeks back in late 1988 or so when I literally was "homeless". at the time, I was not able to collect unemployment (this is another running "theme" in my life, what many people do not realize, is that if you are fired from a job, for breaking the rules, 9 of 10x, you will not qualify for Unemployment, you sometimes can appeal and win, it is a long drawn out process and can go either way depending on an Administrative Law Judge). one of the hardest parts of this blog for me is trying to recall the order in which some of the twists and turns of my mixed life took place,  with as many "soap opera" twists as I have gone through this is not easy. By the mid 80's My Mom and her Evil Master had moved to Middletown NY. His daughter lived up there. Middletown for me was pure Hell. and a place I  refused to go live. when they went there I decided to share a pretty pathetic apartment in Manhattan with a friend and co-worker. that did NOT last long at all. it took under 6 months before we were ready to kill each other. at the time , I was working at Bloomingdales on 59th street..and making next to nothing. we fought around the clock. to the point where I at one point decided to give up and try to go live with Mom as bad as it might be. and as far as it was from all the things that mattered. I quit Bloomingdales. problem was Evil Master would NOT allow this. so, AFTER I quit, and AFTER I had dragged all my stuff to Middletown I had NO place to go. in fact I was forced to HIDE the fact that I was up there. YUP. it was like some TWISTED episode of "3's Company". for several weeks, I lived in a Motel, tried to find a job, tried to exist in some nightmare town out of Green Acres, with no transit to speak of, and keep it ALL secret from HIM. of course he eventually found out. it all lead to a HUGE blow up. and I was sent back to my roommate. I returned to NYC, and went to Macy's this time, where the cycle began all over. not enough to live on. fighting and bickering with a guy who drove me insane,(more on him another day) in an apartment that I am almost certain would never pass an NYC inspection, and finally . the day I was locked out for the last time.for the next 6 weeks or so, I literally had NO place to go. I left everything non-essential in a mini storage by the West Side Highway/ and Mom, sent money every few days to Western Union. for weeks at a time I floated between various NYC YMCA's. an SRO on the Upper West Side off Broadway and 77 and for a few nights I even just.. walked ALL over the city. when I was thrown out, I HAD to quit Macy's. I did not know where the hell I was going to live so that job was the least of my problems. I NOW had a whole new set...and things were not getting much better this way.

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