Baby, you can drive my car, (Cause I sure can't)

most of my Adult Life, I have lived at the mercy of the MTA.
growing up, I was mesmerized by the very notion, of Manhattan and actually "The Dream" of living there
and I am pretty sure that was influenced by damn near every TV show I ever watched and book I ever read and movie I ever saw.
I spent a good portion of my childhood living on the outskirts of "The Greatest City in The World".
and one of the things about NYC, is that nobody needs a car.
even as a teenager, I could not have been less interested in driving if I tried.
my only time behind the wheel to date was a few lessons well over 25 years ago, where I was FAR too nervous to follow up on the idea.
really, the very thought makes me a complete wreck and I cannot imagine doing it.
even though every ounce of my being KNOWS how much it would make a difference in my life. and how much it could improve the overall quality of my life. I know it would open doors as far as jobs, both in terms of WHERE I could look, as well as WHAT I could look at.  it would make shopping a HELL of a lot easier.
In the last apx 5 years, there have been a few "false steps" in this direction. I have had a permit 3x. I have failed the so-called "written test" 2x. and I have even gotten to the point where people have said they will "help me practice", (maybe they would. somehow I doubt it, what I have learned in life is that it is easy to make promises if you do not think the time will ever come to deliver, and its FAR better to rely on yourself than others.). the reality is this. I NEED to conquer this fear. once and for all.
it is a "handicap" that A) is something that is costing me too many oppertunities.B) really is Illogical.and C) would improve the quality of my life in many ways,
SO, what's the hold-up here.? as I have discovered, a "permit" means nothing if you are unable to follow through and do something with it.
and nothing worth having is "free". I need to be able to do something this important the "right way"
I cannot rely on others to "teach" me, and I cannot pay for lessons, buy a car, insure it, and pay 5.00 a gallon to fill it with gas. there was once a "window" where  I was able to handle those things. I am no longer able to do this. and as much as I would love to with all the free time I currently have, getting a permit tomorrow, would not do me any good. unless I have lessons, and a Car to use.and like everything else in life that costs money.