A Turning Point?

the first entries of this blog came fast and furious.
I had a lot of anger and a lot to say, now I am faced with the question "How much is too much"?
and have I suffered "premature e-blogulation"?, prior to the time covered so far, I had a life
not all that different from the one I am looking at as I type this. "broke beyond all levels of broke"
a long string of jobs, that did not come close to covering even the most basic of needs, extended periods
of unemployment,.(though granted it was MUCH easier to get hired at 20 something than 40 something)
there were a lot more places to look for a job, the Internet has made it much easier for employers to
"screen people" long before they walk in. and in fact, "walking in" these days is almost discouraged as a way to find employment. even the most "low level" jobs such as Wal Mart and Target, send you to an automated "kiosk" when you inquire about if they are "hiring". Two friends of mine, whom I have enormous respect for have often used the phrase, "think outside the box",  I am trying to do exactly that. I would like nothing more than to perhaps find a way to return to some type of school, and find a path that is very , different from the one I have been on for over half my life. I used to tell people when I was very gainfully employed."Sleepy's will be the END of my retail life" if and when it came. well it's been over for over 4 years.the thing I ask myself daily is "where do you fit"? "what do you WANT to do?" but the most VITAL one, is "how do I get there, and eat and keep a roof over my head at the same time"?
There are 2 things that I am deeply passsionate about as most who know me know.
I love entertainment. Film. TV.Radio, I spend hours reading on these subjects,I have become increasingly cynical and critical about these over the last few years, but there are I have found more than a few "hidden gems" out there, such as shows like "Levrage", "Burn Notice", and a few that are no longer around like "Alias". it's been a long,long time since I have seen a Film in a Theatre that REALLY excited me, and it seems things are not improving much. Hollywood seems on the surface to make nothing but "cookie cutter" sequels and middle level Comic Book movies that are uninspired and neither terrible nor amazing. (of course a few break that mold. The Dark Knight and Iron Man 1 come to mind).
The other path I could see myself on is something involving Animal Care
I take a bit of heat for being a "Cat person", especially from ignorant people who have no clue about Cats.
I could care less what those people think. now, I could not see myself as a "vet". I am not science and biology minded, and like most things in life it takes time and a LOT of money to pursue that type of profession.
I do not have the time or the funds for that anyway.and the only jobs in that field I have found that I am qualified for are often "volunteer" jobs. satisfying on an emotional level, but do nothing to pay the rent, or anyting else for that matter. I made multiple applications to "dog walking" jobs over the last year or so and come up empty even on those. no response.
At this stage, I have reached a point where next to nothing has been ruled out as long as I have a job.
I went through many hoops trying to get a job as a Security Guard, only to discover that 0 expirience in this area has not gotten me any closer to steady employment and the field seems to be overrun with charlatans who seek money to "place" you yet do nothing of substance once they HAVE your money,
I recenty was given a gift of 150.00 from a friend, that I gave to a "placement agency" that sent me in circles and dodged me and sent me to places that either were not hiring or did not seem to care if I was "referred"
all I could think of after a day or so was how much I wish I had given that money to Con Edison and my cell phone bill. but I tried, and I continue to "not give up". in spite of the fact that I get 218.00 a week and am up to my ass in bills and turn-off notices for cable, cell and Con Ed. there MUST be a way out of this mess,
there must be. one of my greatest regrets is that I never learned how to drive. I cannot explain that one,. but it is a choice that has made my life next to impossible for years. and I think that is the topic I shall deal with next. it's another of the many "Catch 22's" I live with so it really is something I should discuss here,